Corbie’s Wayback Machine: The Courage To Do What Is Right
I want to get out of mediocre life, but have constant fear of failure, always feel low as well as unhappy. I was raised by my grandparents. I wanted to be a doctor but they told me I wasn’t good enough, that I was to be an engineer. I want to love my husband properly but I can’t do that either. Over and over I really feel that there is some higher power that is stopping my progress. Someone is taking revenge or I am living a curse or may be paying back for my own deeds in my past lives relating to my karma. I fall into depression mode and revert back; I am not sure what my passion is? What should I pursue so that I rise above my mediocre life?
I want to know who I was in previous lives and why I am facing these failures. I want to know why are things the way they are. I need someone to help me and guide me thru this pain. I am in constant pain. Will this ever get better?
Anu
Anu, the core difficulty is between yourself and your grandparents – your parents and your husband and children have very little to do with your karmic decisions. Unfortunately, because I did not have exact birth dates and full names on your grandparents I could not do their numerology as I usually do, which would have pinpointed precise challenges you had with each one of them.
But I must tell you that you came in with so many traits to be a stellar physician, that had you pursued that role you would have had a very different life – much more fulfilling, much more in line with your chosen life path. You would have fulfilled your nurturing energies in pediatric oncology. Also, you would have married a much different partner, who would have supported your career and been a blending, rather than a blockage, in your path to fulfillment and enlightenment. This is why your desire to be a doctor was felt at an early age – you were clear at that point on your Karmic path.
There are different ways in which you can fulfill your Life Path now, which will be discussed at the end.
Karmic challenges that you came in with (as opposed to life path) are independence, self-actualization, and authenticity. Had you successfully said “no” to your grandparents on either career path or marriage (though both would have been preferable), many of your difficulties would have been mitigated. However, because you allowed yourself to be turned from your true path, you have felt that nothing in your life is anything but shadow.
There are separate, competitive karmas between your grandparents in many lives. They always come in as partners in some way – either married, or business partners, or siblings. They are always in competition to see which one can either be better than the other, control the other, or subdue the other. In this lifetime, they came in jointly and the object to subdue was you. They were here to learn compassion and acceptance of other’s desires, and failed. You came in specifically to teach them how to accept “no.” The preference was to come in as a family group in a more European country, where the child’s rebellion against tradition would have been more likely to succeed. But because you wanted to come in to a place with a strong spiritual vibration, you accepted India even though your soul knew it would make your Karmic path more difficult to follow.
Your grandparents have been with you in other lives. You have encountered them in Russia, Denmark, Nepal, and Japan, and it is these incarnations that I have been given to discuss with you.
DENMARK, 17th century: In this life female, and an only child. Very intelligent and well-to-do, more learned than most females of the day, you spoke seven languages (Danish, Norse, English, Latin, Greek, French and Italian) and read voraciously. You modeled yourself on Queen Elizabeth I of England, who was a scholar as well as a Queen. You wanted to learn about the stars and planets, as Tycho Brahe had been a frequent visitor to your parents’ home, and actually listened to your questions and answered them, even though he was condescending.
Your current grandparents were friends of your parents, who had a son they wanted you to marry. The son was under the thumb of his parents, and you knew it.
You were much closer to your father than your mother. Your father respected your wanting to study astronomy, through your mother was concerned it was “so unwomanly that no man will take her up to wife” (direct quote). When the friends would press their son upon him as your suitor, your father would continue to put off the decision. He knew that your dowry was what they were after, not really you. Your father did seek other matches for you, but there were not many (as your mother suspected) who would accept such an intellectual for a daughter in law. As your mother kept scolding your father, “This is Denmark, not Italy, and certainly not France!” (Intellectual women were much more accepted in both those countries.)
When your father died you were 14; your mother had to marry you to someone quickly, or your father’s entire inheritance would go to a distant cousin and you and your mother would be penniless. You were forced to marry the boy you despised. Once you were in that household, your books were taken away, you were not permitted to read anything except the Bible, and the boy’s parents were literally your rulers. Your mother had to move in with her brother, and your birth house was sold so that she would not be destitute (though all the money went to her brother for her upkeep, she was virtually a prisoner in his house, without any means of self-support).
You raised four children, three girls and one boy, and did your best to keep them from being cowed by their grandparents. The girls were deliberately kept uneducated save for what was expected of a wife and mother, “so they would not have unreasonable expectations,” but you did your best to secretly teach them critical thinking and to be unafraid of their husbands. Your son was both spoiled and strictly brought up to think of women as inferior, men as superior, and the grandparents as infallible. They all married as they were told to do, but the girls actually had happier marriages than the boy. Once your eldest daughter was secure in her marriage and had produced twin boys, you simply left your in-laws’ house and moved in with her, never speaking to them again. You spent your last ten years caring for your grandchildren, reading as many books as you could find, and still picking up what you could about astronomy, all with the blessing of both your son in law and your daughter. You died in 1693 from stomach cancer; you were in your eighties.
RUSSIA, 18TH CENTURY: You were male, and a very talented violinist, literally a genius. You and your parents were serfs. You had a musical ear, and you were always whistling, or playing something on a crudely carved flute, or tapping on a drum. You were also very, very skilled in woodworking and could repair almost anything. You were far better than anyone else in your family. When you were six, a nobleman’s carriage foundered in front of your family’s cottage, and you were the one who immediately figured out how to fix the wheel and axle. The nobleman was very impressed with this, and you were immediately taken up to his dacha, or noble manor house, where you were put under the care of the carpenters and woodworkers in the house. There you repaired someone’s old balalaika and your talent for music was truly discovered. You also played other instruments; it was a fascination for the mistress of the house, because she loved music and no matter what you were given, you could play it beautifully within days. Recognizing this, the mistress of the house brought back a very old Italian violinist who had been engaged to teach the noble children (none of whom had much talent at all) and, when it was discovered that they had no talent and less patience, he was pensioned off. He loved teaching you. You were diligent and hard working, and grateful for his teachings and your mistress’s kindness. You became the “pet musician” for the entire noble family. You would be trotted out like a trained dog whenever guests arrived, and asked to play; since music was your passion, you did not object. You still had other duties to perform, but there was always time for practice.
Your grandparents in this life were the noble children then. They did not like being “shown up” by a peasant boy. They were hoping that their mother would just give up on teaching them music and let them learn things they were more interested in. When she brought back the Italian violin teacher and you proved yourself so much better than they were, they had it in for you – how dare a peasant be better at something than a noble person? So they did what they could to make your life miserable – pinches and slaps and blaming you for things that went wrong. However, their mother knew them for what they were (lazy, sneaky, gossips) and generally mitigated whatever punishment they wanted to hand out to you.
Finally, they knew what they could do without her involvement. One day, another servant “accidentally” pushed you into the kitchen fireplace. Your hands were very badly burned, and completely disfigured. The children congratulated themselves, figuring that now you were of no use and your mistress would get rid of you one way or another. But you were very innovative, and figured out a way to hold the bow and violin regardless. Your playing was never as good as it had been, and disfigured as you were they never again brought you out to play for guests but you retained your place with the noble family. And when the story came out that the children had paid the other servant to harm you, the mistress had the other servant branded on the cheek as a warning to others and sent away. She also told them (in front of their father, who agreed) that if anything ever happened to you again she would know who did it, and they would find out what it was like to live like the peasants they had so much contempt for. The girl was quickly married off to someone who lived in the south of Russia, and the boy sent off to the army. You never married, but you were the pet of every servant in the manor, male and female alike. You were very gentle with the children and spent time searching for someone to take your place with the violin when you died, but you never did. You remained under the nobles’ roof until you died, loved by everyone.
NEPAL, 19th century: In Nepal, you were male, and your grandparents once again took up your education and care when your parents were killed in an earthquake (1830s?). Here again you were interested in medicine, but your grandparents insisted that you serve in the military. This was partially because you were of the Kshatriya caste, and physicians were, I believe, Brahmin. You might have found a way to go to Great Britain and learn medicine, even if it would have only been in a lower form, but your Grandfather especially harangued you about duty to family, the curse of attempting to move outside your caste, and the grief and pain you were causing your grandmother (who was a superb actress, and was always feigning chest pain and fainting when it suited her).
You did join the military, and became one of the feared “Ghurkas” and acquitted yourself well. But you had a knack for battlefield surgery – swift, clean, and in a sense, kind; you didn’t cause any unnecessary pain and you did as little as was needed, since you didn’t feel you had to look like a hero.
You eventually were seconded to a regiment with the British Raj, and became the personal adjutant to one of the British Majors assigned to Indian service.
In the meantime, you remained dutiful to your grandparents, sending them money for their care. They were not pleased that you were taken up by the British Raj, as they were always on the side of those Indians rebelling against British rule. Being in an out-of-the-way village and not of any particular importance, their opinions did not matter in terms of their safety, but again, it made life difficult for you. There were several times you could have been promoted, but it was known how your grandparents felt, and therefore you were kept “in your place” rather than being given more responsibility that you might use against your British masters.
You died in the early 1880s of snakebite.
JAPAN, 20th century: Once more an earthquake was going to change your life, as it did in the life previous. You were male in this life, and very “modern,” as your parents wished. You had gone to school in the United States and come back to Tokyo to work in a banking firm (Mitsubishi Bank, which also had branches in the United States). Your parents had given up everything to make sure you had every opportunity, and you were a very grateful and dutiful son. You were a good worker and rising in the ranks at your company. The only difficulty you found was that the two bank owners (again, your grandparents, this time banking partners) were very prejudiced against the Koreans who worked in the city. Japan had taken over Korea in the very early 20th century, and there were hundreds of Korean immigrants in Tokyo. In accordance with your “modern” views, you believed that a man is proven by his deeds, not just by his family tree. You frequented several shops that were run by Korean immigrants and were known to them as someone who would deal with them fairly.
When the great Kencho Earthquake struck in 1923, you immediately rushed to aid those who were caught in the fires and collapsed buildings. You did not care who you saved – men, women or children – Japanese, European or Korean. You carried people to safety, you helped bandage wounds. You ran into your two bank owners, who grabbed you and said that your duty was to guard the bank – there were Korean thieves who would be sure to loot it if they were not stopped! You looked at them aghast – there were people dying in the streets! As a matter of fact, the child you were carrying was clearly Korean. One of the bank owners saw that and grabbed the child out of your arms, throwing it to the ground and injuring it severely. The other one grabbed you by the lapels and told you that if you didn’t go to the bank RIGHT THAT MINUTE you were fired and you would never work in the banking field again.
You were so angry, you punched him in the nose. He reeled back and you dashed off to help the other wounded.
You spoke to your parents a few days later (they were in a place unhurt by the earthquake) and told them what happened. After a few moments, your father told you that in his mind you had done the honorable thing, and that you had not lost face. You went back to the United States. You eventually applied for and received American citizenship and worked there until World War Two, when you were one of the Japanese-Americans who were rounded up and sent to one of the internment camps in California. You died of dysentery there in 1944.
What is important for you to note is that in each of these lives you did what you felt was right, even when you were initially stopped or harmed by those who were your grandparents this time. And while it may be too late for you to become the physician you sought to become, there are still ways for you to heal, to care, and to minister to those who need your kind touch and wise words.
Past lives can bring us important information about the life we’re living now, and Corbie was instrumental in bringing this type of information forward for Robert Schwartz’s subjects in both YOUR SOUL’S PLAN and YOUR SOUL’S GIFT.
If you are interested in discovering how Past Lives are affecting your current life challenges, please click on our BOOK A READING button and choose a Soul Plan Reading.